Sunday, July 26, 2009

Music or the MIsery..

hello :)

been a long time diary.
College wasnt that tough, I could scream that to my profs faces right now
since i am still in freshmen, and its just about the end of the term.
I'vent found myself a real friend.
some people just stick for fun,
for help,
for a company.. but who cares anyway
I already have bestfriends.
All i wanted for is to have honest, unselfish, REAL friends.. but its seems harder to find someone like that than i thought.
doesnt it suck when someone you consider a friend would make up excuses when you needed their help, or tell shits about you at your back?!
those are few things that i kept trying to comprehend lately..

Anyway, my college life is mainly composed of failures at the moment.

Failed quizes.. lol doesnt bother me though, I knew I would Nail it by the end of the day. I know that. MAY DIYOS , ika nga ng boys sa classroom. XD

Failed friendship.. As i've mentioned earlier, its tough life out there you gotta trust your one and only self. And gorsh, it feels ridiculous sticking to people who have terrible attitudes.

And Lastly, failed Love relationships.
im torn between two shitty guy at the moment.

No Im not inlove with both of them.

Im not even inlove with any of them.

well, maybe.. i am.

but things are really going rough between the three of us, tho the guys doesnt kno each other.
hmm, lemme just give you a comparative analysis of them.

The first guy would be Khristian Joy.
I used to call him Joy cause its sounds cute, and he'll smile at you when you call him that. ^^
we werent really close before, I do not have any interest in him too
weeks past since the start of class, and were still not talking to each other, I still dont like him because it seems like he flurts anyone he met.. he seems like a player type even though he's not that attractive. however, i have to admit I find him attractive lately.
we only started talking when he joined us in our group.. we won the first place in the game and got a grade of 1. sweet!!
he asked our number from Iris and texted us, he doesnt appeal to me until that but I had fun hanging out with him.
Then on the days that followed, he insisted on going with us for lunch
Aisha doesnt really want him to go with us, but I thought he was kinda nice so I let him go with us. Still doesnt appeal to me.. he always sticks with us, even in class, he sits beside us.. it was almost annoying. Aisha was teasing me that He has a crush on me thats why he sticks with us but I didnt really thought of it that way.

There was one class in theology where he sat beside me, and kept flurting.. he was writing something on my hand, then the teacher caught us and thought we were holding us.
the motherfucker told the whole class we were having PDA and GOD, it almost drained out all the blood in my face in embarassment. OF COURSE IT WASN'T TRUE.. back then, i still didnt like him. I got pissed at him and told him he flurts too much and its because of him we always get into trouble. I only told him that in texts.. he didnt texted me since that.
He sent gm, that nobody really recieved i guess excpt me :( it says "how sad. akala ko pa naman masaya ka pag kasama mo ako"
I asked him the next day if he was mad.. he said he wasnt. he was colder to me though. :(
I texted him later on and told him im that im sorry, i didnt really mean what i said, i was just annoyed when our classmate was teasing us when we're only friends.. and that he could hang out with us anytime he wants and we could have PDA of course i was just kidding at the last one. XD He said he was happy when he was with us, he kept saying that but i dont unerstand how or why. I dont want to ask stupid pointless questions like that.
I think I started falling inlove with him that night too (secretly).
We hang out all the time since then.. and I stopped looking at other guys too except Brando mi labbs XD (tho brando seems to be getting desperate for attention lately)
I remember everytime I always mention Brando to KJ, he always tell how ugly and untidy he looks. :(
SO fastforward to last week >> I teased him that that he has a crush on meh XD
He said "ou, di mo ba nararamdaman"
i forgot what happened next.. it was ridiculous falling inlove.. but at some point of the conversation, I happened to mention that I had a crush on him too, or inlove with him, idk.
All i want to kno is if I could have him :(
But he doesnt want to. He said he loves me, but doesnt want to get in a committed relationship cause he's afraid he might hurt me or viceversa.
SUCH A LAME EXCUSE but it always gets away when he kiss me.

now he may not be the perfect guy for a few qualities that ticks him like
being VAIN.. so much vanity was embodied in him.. He always talks about himself and only listens to someone for a short time, and then goes out talking about himself again. About his stuffs, his clothes, shoes, his bike, PSP, i-touch, digi cam.. REMEMBER THAT MATERIAL STUFFS APPEAL TO GIRLS (like me) ONLY AS MUCH AS GMA'S FACE. my love for him could not be measured by the number of gadgets or shoes and clothes he has on his closet.
Other than being vain, he is also moody, fickle, sensitive in both ways, cynical and cocky (yes what a pompous person).
But that's not all of him yet, He is THE NICEST GUY I think I've ever met too, second to my dad and my bestie. He always helps people who needed help, i dont care if its for show up as long as he's doing it right.. but it doesnt looks like he's showing up. Like yesterday, it was raining hard, and he helped the old granny in the jeep and in the footbridge.. he even stayed with her in the umbrella. He wasnt kidding when he said to granny he was superman. because he is, for me :)
my heart beats really fast when I remember yesterday. the way he helps people, and the way he kissed me in the rain :)

The second guy wasnt really a lover. OR is he? idk, He just said he has a crush on me.
His name's Kavin. :) He was the guy who asked my number in the library.
I remember when i asked him whats his name, and he said Kavin, and I said Kalvin Klein? LOLZ. We werent classmate, but were both from the same dept., cuz he's taking HRM, he's a freshman too. I dont really know whats up with this guy, whats he up to, He kept asking questions.. its almost like an interview talking to him. But you know what, even tho its scary talking to him sometimes cuz he sounds like a rapist or a stalker (lol kidding)
I find him really nice because he was always there when I needed him. YES, he's there 24/7.
I always talk to him when me and KJ arent at good ends, and when i feel lonely, and he's willing to hang out with me whenever Im alone. he's attractive too, big guy.. sabe nga ni Aisha mamaw daw siya eh haha. I dont remember his face anymore, but he's got a face, I'm telling ya. ^^

so which is which...

with whom should I waste my time now?

To someone who needs me, or to someone whom I need?

Tell me..
Bacause I know both or one of them are WRONG.

to my
Vanity Page


01. Im one of the most BORING person I know.

02. I hate humans.
03. I am a total hermit that never goes out the house.

04. I am a very Lazy person.

05. I like being a kid and I do not anticipate growing up, getting a job, getting life. lol.

06. I'm pretty much the outcast of the group. yeah Social Anxiety Disorder.

07. Im also Paranoid, Schyzotypal and and bi-polar so please bear with me.

08. Math is the wicked antagonist to my school life.

09. Sports and I are not very good together.

10. Im a dork at heart. You probably notice that when we talk.

11. I get depressed way too easy.

12. I like dark misty rainy days.

13. Im a loner. Its just something that relaxes me. i couldn't care less if you think its loser thing.

14. I keep useless things for recycling purposes until my mom throws them out.

15. I have an army of pik-nik cans at home.

16. I forget too easily. Short-term Memory Loss D:

17. Seventeen is my favorite number.

18. My thought of afterlife is, Reincarnation.

19. I dont usually enjoy chatting.

20. Gays turn me on. I just wish they like me.

21. Im a total ice cream whore. ^^

22. I have this attraction to crazy reh-tar-ded people.

23. I probably have the carpal tunnel syndrome already.

24. I tend to skin my lips off all the time. lol.

25. I am trying hard to be a Vegan.

26. I dont like the taste of some Japanese food to be honest.

27. I like the taste of Blood however. Haematodispia

28. NEVER trust me with cooking cuz everytime i cook i turn everything into charcoal. lmao.

29. There's something magical between Tim B. and Johnny D. =)

30. Avenged Sevenfold is the best kickass band ever.

31. Im accused to be vicious and vain solely because of too much staring at the mirror.xP

32. But im not the selfish type of vain. Im probably gonna die saving someone's life someday.

33. I am indecisive. i took hours to decide which one to buy.

34. Being friends with me means honesty and that you'll receive a real lot of frankness and it could be a bit bitchy but trust me its for your good. =)

35. I am *very sorry* for being a total cheapskate.

36. I always try to make people happy but I never seem to help and only makes things worse instead.

37. Im a horrible explainer.

38. I am too lazy to even eat so I only eat twice a day.

39. Our House is a zoo, mental hospital and hunted house. =)

40. I like hopeless romantic people alot.

41. I wear 275 graded lens.

42. Everyone thinks I don't care but I do.. Im just good at showing like I don't.

43. I have tons of books at home that i forgot to return to someone. LOL XD

44. Im only unfriendly because Im afraid.

45. I like quiet people who always have little things to say and stutter it.

47. I am a fan of Yaoi (gay love stories)

48. Everyone thinks im a vampire.

49. Ask them why.

50.) And Lastly, YOU MUST RATE AND TALK TO ME cause when the World is Mine, and i found out that you been to my profile and downrated me, i will give you a long and painful death. =))

You probably came up right now to the conclusion that you wasted your time reading this. ^^ and by the way,
this is my vanity page so if u have a problem with what I'm saying you can talk into this thing right here here.


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