Saturday, November 7, 2009

Random Rants.

Dearest Diary,

I miss him. We haven't talked for days and I'm getting quite jealous of what's he up to right now, whatever it is. The last thing I need was to get hooked at him once again, I've already fought that over the last two years and now, i keep jumping to my feet whenever my phone rings. God, I took a lot of OCD when you showered them to humankind.

I was just thinking about him earlier, i forgot what i had in my mind though. I think it started when I remember some short conversation with a random dude in facebook, he's name is Dan and he told me about a girl who kept telling him she loves him. It was bothering him, in a sort of way, but he also admitted that she likes the girl. ^___^ it was totally romantic but I don't really get the picture of their situation right now. So I thought, If i have done the same thing to Revin, would he feel the same? would it get us into something more than friends? and then I thought that was a really brave thing to do and I'm very proud of anyone who can do it, I can do it to any guy in fact but not to Revin. It may be called cowardliness but I think that my love could wait forever. Well at least, I already told him that I'm attracted to him and all that and I guess he knows how much I care for him by this time. I still talk to him the same way like I talk to him back then and I can still make him feel like shit sometimes, I do ignore him too. (gyaaah but I just can't last ignoring him for a week). Its just hard to like someone who only looks at you as a friend. =___=

So I hope you get the picture of what I'm saying, I would be really happy too even if we stayed friends forever. Our friendship is that fragile for me that I would shut up about how I feel for him just so he wouldn't skedaddle him away. duh. its awkward when I get all corny like this. Love is soo cheesy.

And oh btw, I also forgotten how to love. I havent done it in a long time, not to God, not to a friend, not to my family, not to bands/music/animals/guys/crushes so basically the thing that I feel for Revin was probably the thing they call infatuation. (But I it might also be love because they say that infatuation only last for months. I've already beaten the record cuz i've been feeling this way for 3 years and I do admire him, and wish him luck and best of everything all the time so i think Its still kinda love) I dont think its Lust though, there's nothing to lust about Revin. lol kidding Rev XD (but of course I really think He's sexy and whatever he does is cool and adorable).

I was wondering what happened, what triggered me to be this cold. Is it because i bumped my head too often? did the number of neurons in my brain severely decreased because of too much use of computer? was it because I'm unloved? or was it because I'm too loved? Or maybe I'm just tired of loving people and not being loved back. whoa but certainly, I knew the love I give esp to God and to my Mama and Papa always comes back. Im probably tired of having a boyfriend too, I think I the 3 I got was enough to break my curiosity. So next time i should just definitely wait (not look) for someone whom I knew I really love. Same goes to friends, Kouhii, Mika, they're my only best friends in the world and Im satisfied enough. If people want to make friends with me then so be it. they could, I will be glad. But I can't promise that I'd give them much attention. mika and kouhii are just the first people in my heart, besides god and mama and papa. =)

You know I feel like sometime I treat God inferiorly, its probably one of the reasons too. my faith is fucked up, so does my relationship with God so it went like a domino, a chain reaction of that paradox. I hope someone could help me because I'm totally helpless right now its annoying because i knew i was just being lazy and coward.


and oh jsyk, he texted me like 5 mins after i posted this! lmao so childish but yea. i had great time talking to him last night =)

to my
Vanity Page


01. Im one of the most BORING person I know.

02. I hate humans.
03. I am a total hermit that never goes out the house.

04. I am a very Lazy person.

05. I like being a kid and I do not anticipate growing up, getting a job, getting life. lol.

06. I'm pretty much the outcast of the group. yeah Social Anxiety Disorder.

07. Im also Paranoid, Schyzotypal and and bi-polar so please bear with me.

08. Math is the wicked antagonist to my school life.

09. Sports and I are not very good together.

10. Im a dork at heart. You probably notice that when we talk.

11. I get depressed way too easy.

12. I like dark misty rainy days.

13. Im a loner. Its just something that relaxes me. i couldn't care less if you think its loser thing.

14. I keep useless things for recycling purposes until my mom throws them out.

15. I have an army of pik-nik cans at home.

16. I forget too easily. Short-term Memory Loss D:

17. Seventeen is my favorite number.

18. My thought of afterlife is, Reincarnation.

19. I dont usually enjoy chatting.

20. Gays turn me on. I just wish they like me.

21. Im a total ice cream whore. ^^

22. I have this attraction to crazy reh-tar-ded people.

23. I probably have the carpal tunnel syndrome already.

24. I tend to skin my lips off all the time. lol.

25. I am trying hard to be a Vegan.

26. I dont like the taste of some Japanese food to be honest.

27. I like the taste of Blood however. Haematodispia

28. NEVER trust me with cooking cuz everytime i cook i turn everything into charcoal. lmao.

29. There's something magical between Tim B. and Johnny D. =)

30. Avenged Sevenfold is the best kickass band ever.

31. Im accused to be vicious and vain solely because of too much staring at the mirror.xP

32. But im not the selfish type of vain. Im probably gonna die saving someone's life someday.

33. I am indecisive. i took hours to decide which one to buy.

34. Being friends with me means honesty and that you'll receive a real lot of frankness and it could be a bit bitchy but trust me its for your good. =)

35. I am *very sorry* for being a total cheapskate.

36. I always try to make people happy but I never seem to help and only makes things worse instead.

37. Im a horrible explainer.

38. I am too lazy to even eat so I only eat twice a day.

39. Our House is a zoo, mental hospital and hunted house. =)

40. I like hopeless romantic people alot.

41. I wear 275 graded lens.

42. Everyone thinks I don't care but I do.. Im just good at showing like I don't.

43. I have tons of books at home that i forgot to return to someone. LOL XD

44. Im only unfriendly because Im afraid.

45. I like quiet people who always have little things to say and stutter it.

47. I am a fan of Yaoi (gay love stories)

48. Everyone thinks im a vampire.

49. Ask them why.

50.) And Lastly, YOU MUST RATE AND TALK TO ME cause when the World is Mine, and i found out that you been to my profile and downrated me, i will give you a long and painful death. =))

You probably came up right now to the conclusion that you wasted your time reading this. ^^ and by the way,
this is my vanity page so if u have a problem with what I'm saying you can talk into this thing right here here.


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